Saturday, April 23, 2011

Are the Rumors About You True?

In a prior blog post I gave suggestions for handling rumors about yourself, and it might appear that my advice only applies when the rumors are false.  What about when what people are saying about you is true?  Each bit of advice still applies.  In summary:
  • Be kind when you speak of others and strive never to judge.  You will be rewarded for this.
  • Don't loose your sense of self, though it may hurt your confidence, don't succumb to the feelings of shame.
  • Keep it in perspective: not everyone is talking about you.
  • Share your feelings with a trusted friend.
  • Get busy helping others and take the focus off of your own issues.
True rumors have to be assessed though. Is the topic of the rumors something you are ashamed of doing?  If not, then hold your head high.  Be true to yourself and don't let the judgement of others get under your skin.  If you are ashamed then you just need to know that we all fall down sometimes.  Here are a few things that should be adressed:

Take time to try and understand why you were involved with anything that doesn't reflect your true character. Get to the root cause so you can avoid a recurrence.

Admit Your Mistake
Even if it's just to yourself, admit that you failed.  It's the only way you can move on. If there is a clergy member or person you trust, even better to tell them of your failing.  It's difficult, but will bring you peace.

Make Amends
If someone else was harmed by your actions, strive to make amends and ensure it doesn't happen again. Making amends doesn't always mean seeking forgiveness, but sometimes just saying "I want you to know I am ashamed of my actions and very sorry that I hurt you.  I'm not asking you to forgive me, and I know I can't fix what I did, but I hope you can find consolation in knowing that I won't do this again to you or anyone else."

Forgive Yourself
No one I've met so far is perfect. We must learn to forgive ourselves and move on.

Change Your Ways
If you've done a thing that you don't respect, resolve to do differently in the future.  That is all we can do when we make a mistake.

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