Friday, December 30, 2011


The experiences of the last half year have me really thinking about my life.  The good parts, the great parts and the parts that are just unbelievable.  Now that I'm finally home for a stretch I'm regaining, in fits and spurts, my motivation, my creativity, my zest and appreciation for life.

It seems I'm standing on the edge of the cliff, deciding if I will dive off into the beautiful blue waters below and live, really live the life I want.  Or if I will retreat back down the path into boring safety, boring safety.

This quote, from Thucydides, sums up all my aspirations and concern in one sentence:
  "Be convinced that to be happy means to be free and that to be free means to be brave."

I crave a freedom that is hardly unique- basically, the freedom to do what I like:  to travel, to live in one place yet frequently spend time in another, to work creatively with a team without feeling overly bound; ie, working because I love it instead for the salary. It's a freedom that requires funding and will also require a great deal of bravery.

We'll see.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Holidays & Rumors

Is there something about the Holidays that makes gossip more prevalent?  Within the last few weeks RumorsAboutMe is getting more hits than usual from people searching for advice on handling rumors about themselves.

It's a certainty that Holidays are tough for many.  If someone is already having a hard time, often the pressure of the Holiday rush and the stress of dealing with family relationships only causes more unhappiness.  It stands to reason that unhappy people engage in unhealthy behaviors at a greater frequency and that could account for an increase in the spreading of rumors.

People also tend to catch up with folks they haven't seen in a while around Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.  That creates more opportunity for gossip, especially among people that maybe don't have much to say to one another in the first place.

If you are one of those people searching answers about why you are being subjected to gossip, take comfort in knowing - it's not about you.  It's about the person whose mouth is moving and the one whose ears are open to it.

As long as the nonsense (or even truths) they are crowing about won't harm your marriage, your livelihood or your children, bear it with dignity by pretending you don't have a clue it's even happening.  This too shall pass.

More on Rumors:  Rumors About You

One Small Space

When struggling with chaos I've found that creating one small place of sanity, tranquility and perfection brings hope.

That small space might be physical - a place in my messy home that is always kept clean and perfectly organized.
It could be mental - an area of my minds that knows peace, some thought to think of that only brings calmness
and positive feelings.
It may be emotional - the friendship of one person in the world that I know for certain loves and appreciates me without conditions and of whom I only have positive feelings.  For someone else that might even be a pet.

Once that small space is established I derive nourishment and clarity just from tending to it, looking at it, or just thinking about it.  It brings comfort to realize that if one small space in my world can be sane, that space be made to grow.

Being home again after months away is overwhelming.  There is so much to do that I feel frozen and keep searching for ways to distract myself from what needs to be done, probably out of fear that I can't or won't do it.  Everywhere I look there is a daunting task; a mess to be cleaned up, a broken thing that needs to be fixed, months worth of mail to open.

My goal for today was to create that one small space to start the ball rolling toward regaining a sense of peace. My small space was an area in my house near a bay window.  Usually one of the best features of my home, that space had been cluttered for several months with things for a yard sale that never happened.  With help from a friend, we cleared it out within 20 minutes, vacuumed and decorated it for Christmas.  Gazing at it now I know that the seemingly monumental tasks on my list can be broken into smaller ones that I know can be accomplished.

If you are struggling or overwhelmed with life, consider creating a small space for yourself- physical, mental or emotional, as a place you can turn to regain tranquility when other areas of your existence feel like to much to handle.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Not Happy with my Blog!

I am not happy with my blog!

Right now my blog is suffering from the same "too many ideas, not enough action" syndrome that characterizes my current life situation.  I love to write but I haven't been doing that lately and when I begin it seems some other distraction comes along.  Nothing is finished, therefore nothing new is getting published here.

The blog also looks like the rest of my life - a confusing mixture of things.  Much of the last year was spent neglecting my own immediate needs to help others that truly needed me more than I needed myself.  That's good.  But now my life is in disarray.  It's all fixable but somewhat overwhelming to look around and see the great deal of work that must be done in order to get me back on my rails.  Breathe, I tell myself regularly, then I remember: I'm not really the one taking care of me, anyway.  This is obvious because fate, God, the Universe,  my higher power (choose your preference) has pulled me and my loved ones out of so many jams recently that there's no way to believe I'm really in charge.

Found a quote today that said something like "If you're struggling that means you've just leveled up."  That is a heartwarming thought and just what this trouper needed.  It screams the words "You've got a challenge!" and a challenge is something I relish.

Here's a little of what I'm facing:

I have to get a job!  After spending the last year in various business ventures, then totally suspended while taking care of family matters, then on a project assisting with a family business emergency, it's time for me to get back on track and find a position.  That means making major decisions about what will make me happy.  It also means facing fears about interviewing after having been fired.  I can do this.

I also have to straighten out my finances.  Funny, the two things that have always been the easiest control and maintain are the two that are currently in disarray.   It's been a humbling experience and one that I'm grateful to have had.

Career & Finances - those are the major things - I also need to get back to the gym, get my house in order and create a new routine.  A big challenge will be figuring out how to spend adequate time with my family while still taking care of my own needs once I start a new position.  They are 500 miles away and the past year has taught me that I need to be there for me as much as I do for them, but I have no desire to move.

When I start feeling happier with my blog, I will know things are getting back on track in my real life.   It will probably always be a random mixture of things but I'm hoping to find a way to make that work.